That Time My Prayer Wasn't Answered

I made a 74.  

Three months of studying. Hours of flashcards and multiple choice questions. Tears. Time. Stress. And after praying hard for a 76 for a CPA exam for which 75 is a passing score, I made a 74.


I've taken this test before. In the summer of 2011, my first experience with the beast of an exam known as Financial Accounting and Reporting, I made a 55. I broke down. I could not believe all my efforts had come to such a failing score. I got pissed. And then I got motivated. Instead of re-taking that test, I moved on to the Audit portion and passed with flying colors. And then I quit.  

It was the right decision at the time, and for years I said I wouldn't go back to it. But it kept nagging at me. I didn't want to be scared of it. I wanted to know I was able. So this year I decided to try again. 

And I got a 74.  

Thing is, I'm not nearly as upset as I expected. Instead of being incredibly angry at that one point, I'm instead really proud of myself. It's attainable, a test that I thought would beat me. I'll dust off for the rest of August and then pick my book up from beside the trash can (I was sooooo sure I wouldn't need it anymore) to prepare to retake this test in October. It's frustrating but also I see light at the end of the tunnel. So as I told friends this morning it's like "F@#%! ONE point!" But at the same time, yeah, it's ONLY one point. I can bridge that gap.

So I'll be fine, in a way I hadn't expected to when I was (frantically) checking daily for my score to pop up. My friends are already putting themselves on my calendar for study sessions and flashcard review. I am not far removed from the material (I only took two weeks off) so I'm not learning from scratch. And I made a 74. One point away. Once again I'll do my part and ask God to fill in the rest. Small thing to a giant. 

So I guess this is a story about how sometimes you pray really hard for something and it doesn't happen and you're more than ok anyway. Take that and run with it.